Recovery Mission

by MIDI Myers

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04:09
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02:44
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04:41
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04:33
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04:20
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03:57
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credits

released May 21, 2018

Cover art by Pam Wishbow (pamwishbow.com).

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MIDI Myers Boston, Massachusetts

I'm an electro-pop musician who goes by "MIDI Myers," a tribute to my actual name (Maddy Myers) and the MIDI pad that I use when I play live, in conjunction with my keytar and live vocals. My lyrics often blend honest accounts of my own life experiences and anxieties with humor and pop culture allusions, all set to keytar leads, electronic drums, and a comprehensive bank of MIDI synths. ... more

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Track Name: Petty
I don't tend to be petty
I don't tend to be cold
but i've had just enough
of undercutting just how rough you treated me
It was pretty bad

I've been keeping up appearances
Left the worst of you untold
but now i'm good on that
ready to have a chat about how you're a massive piece of shit

It was all about you, you, you, you, you
everyone else didn't matter
it was all about you
whatever made you feel better
it was never all that great
you can go and check the tapes
Can't believe how long I waited
to be petty.

Wish I could tell your future girlfriends
all the shit you're gonna try
but i've gotta cut all ties
so rue the day they realize who you really are, because you can't hide it

I know you haven't changed a single bit
And that means that I've got no regrets
your parting words to me
were deja vu of everything you used to do
On the same old topic, too:

You, you, you, you, you!
everyone else didn't matter
it was all about you
whatever made you feel better
it was never all that great
you can go and check the tapes
I can't believe how long I waited
to be petty.

Is it trivial to want someone who respects you?
Insignificant to want someone who is faithful to you?
A minor grievance to want someone who doesn't pressure you?
If that's petty
Then I'm fucking petty as hell
Yes, I'll let it go
But first, I want everyone to know

it was all about you, you, you, you, you
I never mattered
it was all about you
I did what made you feel better
it was never all that great
Go and check the tapes
I can't believe how long I waited
to be petty.
Track Name: Press Release
How's it going? How's the new place?
I say, it's fine, I put on a brave face
Where's your date? Oh, we broke up
Is what I'm thinking in my head, but I don't speak up

Should I just put out a press release?
Maybe that would be a stress release

Breaking news: she's all alone
And we all know that she’s home,
but she has not responded
to requests for comment

Breaking news: no one cares
Our sources say that no one's there
Alone in the universe
Sure, it could always be worse,
But it's hard to see how, right now

How’s the creative life? You still working from home?
I do all right. I spend a lot of time alone
Oh, isn't that tough? They look so concerned
But I’ve had enough. Just light the pyre and let me burn

Please, let me speak to the media
Update my page on Wikipedia
I'm not on Wikipedia. But if I were, that page would say,

Breaking news: she's all alone
And we all know that she’s home,
but she has not responded
to requests for comment

Breaking news: no one cares
Our sources say that no one's there
For her, 'cause who could love her?
How will she recover?
It's so hard to see how, right now

In the grand scheme of it all, I'm fine, I'm fine
The sun hasn't exploded yet, not yet
Big picture, I'm doing great, just great
Please send this section of the song to my parents, tell 'em not to worry
I'm definitely at healthy levels of depression

I'll be laughing in the background
I’ll be smiling in the crowd
I'll be going home alone
When conversation gets too loud

I’ll dump my drink out in the sink
I don't want to unravel, what will people think?

Breaking news: she's all alone
And we all know that she’s home,
but she has not responded
to requests for comment

Breaking news: no one cares
About my personal affairs
I am just so boring
Who cares if I'm scoring?
This whole thing's a real snooze
It's, like, yesterday's news

Is it working? Are they gone?
Have they all moved on?
Phew.
Track Name: Form
This isn't even my final form
This isn't even my final form
no, no, no


I could do better
That's what I said to the mirror
Every morning and every night

I could do better
And each time the words got clearer
You just wouldn't, or just couldn't, do me right

Years of chipping down my armor
Pushing past the way I felt
You broke me into pieces
Was an echo of myself

Now I embrace the coming storm
I raise my sword. I don my crown
I am the leader of the swarm
And this isn't even my final form

This isn't even my final form
This isn't even my final form
No, no, no

I'm doing better
every spring in every step
I feel the talons on my heels, my power burst

I'm doing better
Stronger ever since I left
More myself, the more I feel you were the worst

Deep inside this darkened cave,
I have been sharpening my teeth
Shed away my broken skin
Reveal the glistening scales beneath

Now I embrace the coming storm
I show my claws. I shake my horns
In the fire I am reborn
And this isn't even my final form

this isn't even my final form
This isn't even my final form
no, no, no

This isn't the last you'll see of me
You'll see.
Track Name: Don't Make My Mistakes
I've been the villain
i've been the witch who crept down darkness
let resentment grow in my hair.
but I found starlight
and the moon could guide me well
And so I covered my crystal ball.

I built my castle
and when a traveler found my door,
I let him in, moon-sealed our hands
isn't this what I wanted?
didn't I put on the crown?
Why did I trust him? Why does anyone trust him?

Don't make my mistakes
Honestly, take it from me
don't make my mistakes
look at my heart, and analyze
exactly how it breaks
and don't make my mistakes.

if I'd heeded the portents
read the cards, observed the mists
that were swirling in the sphere
But I questioned my judgment
What was him and what was real
I felt my magic disappear

Tried to drag him up the tower with me
He drained my power out of me
As soon as he was king
he took everything

Don't make my mistakes
Honestly, take it from me
don't make my mistakes
look at my heart, and analyze
exactly how it breaks
and don't make my mistakes.

I wanted to end it
No, I didn't wish to die,
just to not exist, or to go home
i've never found home
i see its hallways in my dreams
coiled in ivy, nothing like you'd think.

I could read the future, once
But now I only see the past
Reflect eternal, in the glass
The mists still swirling
I can only hope they clear
and I'll be me again, free again

Don't make my mistakes
everything taken from me
don't make my mistakes
I cast down my heart, and analyze
exactly how it breaks
Exactly what it takes.
Track Name: Impasse
I could taste hesitation in your kiss
Like intuition, a premonition that came to pass
I laid awake in the dark, told myself this
Deep down, you know this isn't going to last

We're at an impasse
We're on the bridge
I'm telling you, come on, I got you babe,
But we gotta cross this thing
You couldn't reach me
You wouldn't meet my eyes
And through the mist, above the clouds,
I found I couldn't recognize
your face anymore.

I could sense all the sorrow in your step
Every time, we walked a line, you’d look away from me
I could sense all the secrets that you kept
No matter what I asked, you’d bask in misery

I didn’t think I could ever get you to tell me
But some inner drive would propel me
Now I don't think that I know what could compel me
to keep dragging you around
with your feet stuck in the ground

We’re in a stalemate
Across the field
I’ve called down the firing squad
Wave your flag, you've been revealed
But you wouldn't stand up
You wouldn’t lift your hands
You stared at me, silent in your bunker,
I just can’t understand
your stance anymore.

I guess you might say a million chances weren't enough
I guess you might say that I'm being far too tough
Now I meet every deal you try to strike with a rebuff
I've used all of my reserves
I fought longer than deserved

We’re in a gridlock
Both sides, unheard
The embassy translation team
Can't make out a single word
I can't get through to you
I cannot make you see
All the shit you put me through
But now I am finally
Showing you the door.
Track Name: Bad Feeling
There's the sense
that I want to go home
But I don't know where that is
And I don't know if I'd know
if I got to the right place

There's the sense
that I don't want to be alone
But I don't know who I'd want
and I don't know that I'd recognize
them if I saw their face

I've got a bad feeling that I don't know who I am
I've got a bad feeling in my bones that I just can't understand
I can't explain why I feel the way that I do
But I've got a bad feeling … it's you

there's the sense
that I missed my exit ramp
somewhere ten miles from this town
but I don't know when my chance
will arise to turn around

i've got this sense
that you're thinking about me
and I just want you to stop
because every time you contact me
it makes my stomach drop

I've got a bad feeling that I don't know who I am
I've got a bad feeling in my bones that I just can't understand
I can't explain why I feel the way that I do
But I've got a bad feeling...

you know that tingling back-of-your mind sensation
that long-forgotten bad conversation
that you didn't want to think about
but your brain can't seem to get it out

you know that stomach-sinking desperation
when you lose your keys
your car
your heart
oh fuck, where did I park?

I've got a bad feeling that I don't know who I am
I've got a bad feeling in my bones that I just can't understand
I can't explain why I feel the way that I do
But if I had to... it's you.
Track Name: It's All Real
There's a crowd that you're not in
all your friends are whispering
they can't stand when you're around
they wish you'd leave town, or the planet and
they can't see why you're still here
this isn't just irrational fear
nothing you can do to counteract
this feeling which is based in fact

every nightmare you've ever had
is real! 100% undeniable
that mistake you made at work
it is an offense that's firable
no one will ever love you
no one even thinks of you
how you feel
it's all real

Are you worried that you're a bad person? You are! You are!
Are you scared that everyone hates you? They do! They do!
Is it comforting to know,
that it's not all in your mind?
It has all just been a show
they were trying to be kind

every nightmare you've ever had
is real! 100% undeniable
that mistake you made at work
it is an offense that is firable
no one will ever love you
no one even thinks of you
how you feel
it's all real

let's us two go lie in bed
let my fingers in your head
I would never lie to you
no need to check, it's just all true
you should never listen to your friends
they're not your friends, come to your senses,
don't get up! just keep on lying there
don't eat, don't sleep, don't wash your hair

every nightmare you've ever had
is real, 100% undeniable
the citations need some work
but hey, you're someone who'd buy it, so
you can always count on me
to fill you with anxiety
and make you feel
like it's all real
it's all real.
Track Name: Ghost Girl
This place is too big
No surprise that I'm getting sick of it
Every time I turn around
I see her in the corner, dimly lit

She's looking in the window
And I always see her wearing my nightgown
Floating through my bedroom door
She sits upon my bed and she frowns

She says,
Remember when you were happy?
Remember when you still thought things were gonna work out?
Ha ha ha
Remember when you felt comfy?
Remember when you slept long and deep and never had a doubt?
Oh, oh, oh
Remember when hope was still alive
How long it hung on to survive
Well, it's dead now, girl
It's dead now.

Oh my god shut up already
Can't you see that I'm trying to fall asleep?
But I can hear your bass-line thumping
You're the worst kind of creep

Why do you keep hanging around
In every box underneath my bed
Every photo, every regret
Every word running through my head

Saying,
Remember when you were happy?
Remember when you knew what your life was all about?
Ha ha ha
Remember when you felt so lucky?
Remember when you thought that you had everything planned out?
Oh, oh, oh
Remember when hope was still alive
Then met with a thousand tiny knives
Well, it's dead now, for sure
It's dead now.

I haven't forgotten you
I haven't forgotten the girl, the girl I used to be
I could never let go of you
The things that you wanted, haunted, I still see

But you know that I tried
I mean, you're me
So you know that it's time for you to rest in peace

Yes, I remember when I was happy
I believed that we'd be together, in love forever
Ha ha ha
I remember how it seemed
I remember I watched that dream burn into embers
Oh, oh, oh
And now the girl I used to be
Is haunting me, but she –
Well, she's dead now, for sure.
She's dead now.
And instead, now, I'm here.
So, can I go to bed now?
Track Name: Moon
I should've known when you said
that you'd never been in love
I should run instead of thinking I'm the one

This is all so clichéd
I don't know what else to say
except I'm glad you moved 3000 miles away

I'm glad you're gone
and if you wanna go even further, that'd be cool (real cool)
I'm moving on
It'd be easier to do
if you would just consider moving to the moon

ever since I was 19
I had this silly little dream
you were the one that got away, so it seemed

You had a dream without me
So you moved across the country
I'm supportive of this breakup, but consider outer space?

I'm glad you're gone
If you wanna go even further, that'd be cool (real cool)
I'm moving on (I was just a phase for you)
It'd be easier to do
If you would just consider moving to the moon

Why did you bother?
like genuinely, why did you bother
to be with me? Why me?
Did you even like me?
Or was I just how you felt good enough about yourself to leave, to leave?
You were so terrified
to just get in your car and drive
Well, give yourself a high five
You did it! Now try NASA!

Did I even really lose you
if I never really knew you?
You'd go through phases when I thought you cared
You jerked my heart around
so please don't come back to town
I'd like to be with someone who is really there

So I'm glad you're gone
If you wanna go even further, that'd be cool (real cool)
I'm moving on (I was just a phase for you)
It's gonna be easy to do
because as far as I'm concerned, you're on the moon

Up in the sky
as you wax and wane up there, I'll be like, cool. Where is the lie?
Good fit for you. (I was just a phase for you)
Even when you were down here,
You may as well have just been on the moon
On the moon.
Track Name: Solitary Job (Samus Works Alone)
Alone again
just a question of when
the world always spins away from me
eventually

in my tin can
i'll just land on another planet
and make a new plan
it's all I can do

It's a solitary job
and here's what they don't tell you
you'll be talking to yourself by week three
it's a solitary job
but here's what they won't tell you
everyone will leave, eventually.
everyone will leave.

Push it all down
There isn't time
Another mission
on the line

Push it all down
The screaming alarm
the voice that tells me
that the clock's running down, down, down

It's a solitary job
but here's what they won't tell you
you'll never feel you got a good night's sleep
it's a solitary job
and here's what they don't tell you
everyone will leave, eventually.

The truth is, you can't push the truth away
it will haunt you, it will strand you,
drag you to the docking bay
It won't let you fly away

Alone again
I don't know why I try
to connect with anyone
it's not like it's fun.

Rebuilt my heart
And the whole rest of me
Replaced each part
Yet the pain won't come free

So I work a solitary job
and here are all my findings:
you can get real sick of you if you're the only one you see
it's a solitary job
and this fine print is binding:
everyone will leave, except for me.
I'm always left with me.
Track Name: Never Write A Song
Never write a song
never fall in love
it'll only break your heart
it'll take your body apart

never join a band
never make a plan
it'll all come caving in
there'll be no saving it, then

but there's just no helping it
you'll do it anyway
you'll make the mistakes you'll make

it's not even that it's worth it
it's not even that you'll miss it
it's just that there's no helping it
there's just no helping it
so... write the song.

when I saw your face
so many years ago
I knew you were wrong for me
But then you wrote a song for me

red flags every step
faults that I ignored
but I thought, hey, I'll take a chance
Heard the notes, let my body dance

there was no helping it
I did it anyway
I made the mistakes that I would make, so predictable

It wasn't worth it
Can't say I miss it
But at the time, there was no helping it
there was just no helping it
so it seemed, but...

I cringe when I think about the things you said, the things you did
I wake up in the night, remembering, and shake my head, feel the weight of it,
I catalogue the years of problems I overlooked, that could fill a book
The song came out all wrong, it would not resolve, despite the pain I took.

There was no helping it
You hurt me anyway
Wrote it out to the end of the line
Looking back, I didn't deserve it
You know what? I don't forgive it
There was no helping you.
I had to go on without you
I had to finish the song.

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