Recovery Mission

by MIDI Myers

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1.
Petty 04:09
I don't tend to be petty I don't tend to be cold but i've had just enough of undercutting just how rough you treated me It was pretty bad I've been keeping up appearances Left the worst of you untold but now i'm good on that ready to have a chat about how you're a massive piece of shit It was all about you, you, you, you, you everyone else didn't matter it was all about you whatever made you feel better it was never all that great you can go and check the tapes Can't believe how long I waited to be petty. Wish I could tell your future girlfriends all the shit you're gonna try but i've gotta cut all ties so rue the day they realize who you really are, because you can't hide it I know you haven't changed a single bit And that means that I've got no regrets your parting words to me were deja vu of everything you used to do On the same old topic, too: You, you, you, you, you! everyone else didn't matter it was all about you whatever made you feel better it was never all that great you can go and check the tapes I can't believe how long I waited to be petty. Is it trivial to want someone who respects you? Insignificant to want someone who is faithful to you? A minor grievance to want someone who doesn't pressure you? If that's petty Then I'm fucking petty as hell Yes, I'll let it go But first, I want everyone to know it was all about you, you, you, you, you I never mattered it was all about you I did what made you feel better it was never all that great Go and check the tapes I can't believe how long I waited to be petty.
2.
How's it going? How's the new place? I say, it's fine, I put on a brave face Where's your date? Oh, we broke up Is what I'm thinking in my head, but I don't speak up Should I just put out a press release? Maybe that would be a stress release Breaking news: she's all alone And we all know that she’s home, but she has not responded to requests for comment Breaking news: no one cares Our sources say that no one's there Alone in the universe Sure, it could always be worse, But it's hard to see how, right now How’s the creative life? You still working from home? I do all right. I spend a lot of time alone Oh, isn't that tough? They look so concerned But I’ve had enough. Just light the pyre and let me burn Please, let me speak to the media Update my page on Wikipedia I'm not on Wikipedia. But if I were, that page would say, Breaking news: she's all alone And we all know that she’s home, but she has not responded to requests for comment Breaking news: no one cares Our sources say that no one's there For her, 'cause who could love her? How will she recover? It's so hard to see how, right now In the grand scheme of it all, I'm fine, I'm fine The sun hasn't exploded yet, not yet Big picture, I'm doing great, just great Please send this section of the song to my parents, tell 'em not to worry I'm definitely at healthy levels of depression I'll be laughing in the background I’ll be smiling in the crowd I'll be going home alone When conversation gets too loud I’ll dump my drink out in the sink I don't want to unravel, what will people think? Breaking news: she's all alone And we all know that she’s home, but she has not responded to requests for comment Breaking news: no one cares About my personal affairs I am just so boring Who cares if I'm scoring? This whole thing's a real snooze It's, like, yesterday's news Is it working? Are they gone? Have they all moved on? Phew.
3.
Form 02:44
This isn't even my final form This isn't even my final form no, no, no I could do better That's what I said to the mirror Every morning and every night I could do better And each time the words got clearer You just wouldn't, or just couldn't, do me right Years of chipping down my armor Pushing past the way I felt You broke me into pieces Was an echo of myself Now I embrace the coming storm I raise my sword. I don my crown I am the leader of the swarm And this isn't even my final form This isn't even my final form This isn't even my final form No, no, no I'm doing better every spring in every step I feel the talons on my heels, my power burst I'm doing better Stronger ever since I left More myself, the more I feel you were the worst Deep inside this darkened cave, I have been sharpening my teeth Shed away my broken skin Reveal the glistening scales beneath Now I embrace the coming storm I show my claws. I shake my horns In the fire I am reborn And this isn't even my final form this isn't even my final form This isn't even my final form no, no, no This isn't the last you'll see of me You'll see.
4.
I've been the villain i've been the witch who crept down darkness let resentment grow in my hair. but I found starlight and the moon could guide me well And so I covered my crystal ball. I built my castle and when a traveler found my door, I let him in, moon-sealed our hands isn't this what I wanted? didn't I put on the crown? Why did I trust him? Why does anyone trust him? Don't make my mistakes Honestly, take it from me don't make my mistakes look at my heart, and analyze exactly how it breaks and don't make my mistakes. if I'd heeded the portents read the cards, observed the mists that were swirling in the sphere But I questioned my judgment What was him and what was real I felt my magic disappear Tried to drag him up the tower with me He drained my power out of me As soon as he was king he took everything Don't make my mistakes Honestly, take it from me don't make my mistakes look at my heart, and analyze exactly how it breaks and don't make my mistakes. I wanted to end it No, I didn't wish to die, just to not exist, or to go home i've never found home i see its hallways in my dreams coiled in ivy, nothing like you'd think. I could read the future, once But now I only see the past Reflect eternal, in the glass The mists still swirling I can only hope they clear and I'll be me again, free again Don't make my mistakes everything taken from me don't make my mistakes I cast down my heart, and analyze exactly how it breaks Exactly what it takes.
5.
Impasse 04:41
I could taste hesitation in your kiss Like intuition, a premonition that came to pass I laid awake in the dark, told myself this Deep down, you know this isn't going to last We're at an impasse We're on the bridge I'm telling you, come on, I got you babe, But we gotta cross this thing You couldn't reach me You wouldn't meet my eyes And through the mist, above the clouds, I found I couldn't recognize your face anymore. I could sense all the sorrow in your step Every time, we walked a line, you’d look away from me I could sense all the secrets that you kept No matter what I asked, you’d bask in misery I didn’t think I could ever get you to tell me But some inner drive would propel me Now I don't think that I know what could compel me to keep dragging you around with your feet stuck in the ground We’re in a stalemate Across the field I’ve called down the firing squad Wave your flag, you've been revealed But you wouldn't stand up You wouldn’t lift your hands You stared at me, silent in your bunker, I just can’t understand your stance anymore. I guess you might say a million chances weren't enough I guess you might say that I'm being far too tough Now I meet every deal you try to strike with a rebuff I've used all of my reserves I fought longer than deserved We’re in a gridlock Both sides, unheard The embassy translation team Can't make out a single word I can't get through to you I cannot make you see All the shit you put me through But now I am finally Showing you the door.
6.
Bad Feeling 04:33
There's the sense that I want to go home But I don't know where that is And I don't know if I'd know if I got to the right place There's the sense that I don't want to be alone But I don't know who I'd want and I don't know that I'd recognize them if I saw their face I've got a bad feeling that I don't know who I am I've got a bad feeling in my bones that I just can't understand I can't explain why I feel the way that I do But I've got a bad feeling … it's you there's the sense that I missed my exit ramp somewhere ten miles from this town but I don't know when my chance will arise to turn around i've got this sense that you're thinking about me and I just want you to stop because every time you contact me it makes my stomach drop I've got a bad feeling that I don't know who I am I've got a bad feeling in my bones that I just can't understand I can't explain why I feel the way that I do But I've got a bad feeling... you know that tingling back-of-your mind sensation that long-forgotten bad conversation that you didn't want to think about but your brain can't seem to get it out you know that stomach-sinking desperation when you lose your keys your car your heart oh fuck, where did I park? I've got a bad feeling that I don't know who I am I've got a bad feeling in my bones that I just can't understand I can't explain why I feel the way that I do But if I had to... it's you.
7.
There's a crowd that you're not in all your friends are whispering they can't stand when you're around they wish you'd leave town, or the planet and they can't see why you're still here this isn't just irrational fear nothing you can do to counteract this feeling which is based in fact every nightmare you've ever had is real! 100% undeniable that mistake you made at work it is an offense that's firable no one will ever love you no one even thinks of you how you feel it's all real Are you worried that you're a bad person? You are! You are! Are you scared that everyone hates you? They do! They do! Is it comforting to know, that it's not all in your mind? It has all just been a show they were trying to be kind every nightmare you've ever had is real! 100% undeniable that mistake you made at work it is an offense that is firable no one will ever love you no one even thinks of you how you feel it's all real let's us two go lie in bed let my fingers in your head I would never lie to you no need to check, it's just all true you should never listen to your friends they're not your friends, come to your senses, don't get up! just keep on lying there don't eat, don't sleep, don't wash your hair every nightmare you've ever had is real, 100% undeniable the citations need some work but hey, you're someone who'd buy it, so you can always count on me to fill you with anxiety and make you feel like it's all real it's all real.
8.
Ghost Girl 04:20
This place is too big No surprise that I'm getting sick of it Every time I turn around I see her in the corner, dimly lit She's looking in the window And I always see her wearing my nightgown Floating through my bedroom door She sits upon my bed and she frowns She says, Remember when you were happy? Remember when you still thought things were gonna work out? Ha ha ha Remember when you felt comfy? Remember when you slept long and deep and never had a doubt? Oh, oh, oh Remember when hope was still alive How long it hung on to survive Well, it's dead now, girl It's dead now. Oh my god shut up already Can't you see that I'm trying to fall asleep? But I can hear your bass-line thumping You're the worst kind of creep Why do you keep hanging around In every box underneath my bed Every photo, every regret Every word running through my head Saying, Remember when you were happy? Remember when you knew what your life was all about? Ha ha ha Remember when you felt so lucky? Remember when you thought that you had everything planned out? Oh, oh, oh Remember when hope was still alive Then met with a thousand tiny knives Well, it's dead now, for sure It's dead now. I haven't forgotten you I haven't forgotten the girl, the girl I used to be I could never let go of you The things that you wanted, haunted, I still see But you know that I tried I mean, you're me So you know that it's time for you to rest in peace Yes, I remember when I was happy I believed that we'd be together, in love forever Ha ha ha I remember how it seemed I remember I watched that dream burn into embers Oh, oh, oh And now the girl I used to be Is haunting me, but she – Well, she's dead now, for sure. She's dead now. And instead, now, I'm here. So, can I go to bed now?
9.
Moon 03:57
I should've known when you said that you'd never been in love I should run instead of thinking I'm the one This is all so clichéd I don't know what else to say except I'm glad you moved 3000 miles away I'm glad you're gone and if you wanna go even further, that'd be cool (real cool) I'm moving on It'd be easier to do if you would just consider moving to the moon ever since I was 19 I had this silly little dream you were the one that got away, so it seemed You had a dream without me So you moved across the country I'm supportive of this breakup, but consider outer space? I'm glad you're gone If you wanna go even further, that'd be cool (real cool) I'm moving on (I was just a phase for you) It'd be easier to do If you would just consider moving to the moon Why did you bother? like genuinely, why did you bother to be with me? Why me? Did you even like me? Or was I just how you felt good enough about yourself to leave, to leave? You were so terrified to just get in your car and drive Well, give yourself a high five You did it! Now try NASA! Did I even really lose you if I never really knew you? You'd go through phases when I thought you cared You jerked my heart around so please don't come back to town I'd like to be with someone who is really there So I'm glad you're gone If you wanna go even further, that'd be cool (real cool) I'm moving on (I was just a phase for you) It's gonna be easy to do because as far as I'm concerned, you're on the moon Up in the sky as you wax and wane up there, I'll be like, cool. Where is the lie? Good fit for you. (I was just a phase for you) Even when you were down here, You may as well have just been on the moon On the moon.
10.
Alone again just a question of when the world always spins away from me eventually in my tin can i'll just land on another planet and make a new plan it's all I can do It's a solitary job and here's what they don't tell you you'll be talking to yourself by week three it's a solitary job but here's what they won't tell you everyone will leave, eventually. everyone will leave. Push it all down There isn't time Another mission on the line Push it all down The screaming alarm the voice that tells me that the clock's running down, down, down It's a solitary job but here's what they won't tell you you'll never feel you got a good night's sleep it's a solitary job and here's what they don't tell you everyone will leave, eventually. The truth is, you can't push the truth away it will haunt you, it will strand you, drag you to the docking bay It won't let you fly away Alone again I don't know why I try to connect with anyone it's not like it's fun. Rebuilt my heart And the whole rest of me Replaced each part Yet the pain won't come free So I work a solitary job and here are all my findings: you can get real sick of you if you're the only one you see it's a solitary job and this fine print is binding: everyone will leave, except for me. I'm always left with me.
11.
Never write a song never fall in love it'll only break your heart it'll take your body apart never join a band never make a plan it'll all come caving in there'll be no saving it, then but there's just no helping it you'll do it anyway you'll make the mistakes you'll make it's not even that it's worth it it's not even that you'll miss it it's just that there's no helping it there's just no helping it so... write the song. when I saw your face so many years ago I knew you were wrong for me But then you wrote a song for me red flags every step faults that I ignored but I thought, hey, I'll take a chance Heard the notes, let my body dance there was no helping it I did it anyway I made the mistakes that I would make, so predictable It wasn't worth it Can't say I miss it But at the time, there was no helping it there was just no helping it so it seemed, but... I cringe when I think about the things you said, the things you did I wake up in the night, remembering, and shake my head, feel the weight of it, I catalogue the years of problems I overlooked, that could fill a book The song came out all wrong, it would not resolve, despite the pain I took. There was no helping it You hurt me anyway Wrote it out to the end of the line Looking back, I didn't deserve it You know what? I don't forgive it There was no helping you. I had to go on without you I had to finish the song.

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released May 21, 2018

Cover art by Pam Wishbow (pamwishbow.com).

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MIDI Myers Boston, Massachusetts

I'm an electro-pop musician who goes by "MIDI Myers," a tribute to my actual name (Maddy Myers) and the MIDI pad that I use when I play live, in conjunction with my keytar and live vocals. My lyrics often blend honest accounts of my own life experiences and anxieties with humor and pop culture allusions, all set to keytar leads, electronic drums, and a comprehensive bank of MIDI synths. ... more

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